Cowboy and the rancher
#1
02-16-2008, 07:35 AM
Cowboy and the rancher
A Cowboy said to a Rancher, ‘Is that your dog?’
The Rancher replied, ‘Yup.’
‘Mind if I talk to him?’
‘Don't you know dogs don't talk?’ The Cowboy replied,
‘So what's the harm? May I?’
‘Go right ahead.’
The Cowboy said to the dog, ‘Howdy!’
The dog replied, ‘Hello.’ The Rancher's eyes pop wide.
The Cowboy continued, ‘Is this your master?’
‘Yep, he sure is.’
‘Does he treat you alright?’
‘Sure does. Every day he takes me for a walk, he feeds me all kinds of great food, and once a
week he takes me to the lake to play.’
Rancher was dumbfounded.
The Cowboy said to the Rancher, ‘Is that your horse over there?’
‘Yes.’
‘Do you mind if I talk to him?’ The Rancher replied,
‘I know the dog spoke to you, but I know for a fact that horses can't talk.’
‘Well, then what would it hurt?’
‘Go right ahead.’
The Cowboy said to the horse, ‘Hello.’
The Horse replied, ‘Hello.’
The Rancher stood there with his jaw wide open.
The Cowboy asked, ‘Is that your owner?’
‘Yup, sure is.’
‘He treat you okay?’
‘Sure, he rides me every day, brushes me down at the end of the day, and he keeps me in the barn away from the elements.’
‘Sounds good.’ The Cowboy then asked the Rancher, ‘Are those your sheep over there?’
The Rancher is horrified and stammers, ‘Them sheep out there, they're nothing but a bunch of liars!’
#5
02-16-2008, 10:14 AM
Martian Sex
I'm trying.....
Mike and Maureen landed on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles. They met a Martian couple and were talking about all sorts of things.
Mike asked if Mars had a stock market, if they had laptop computers, and how they made money, Finally, Maureen brought up the subject of sex.
"Just how do you guys do it?" asked Maureen.
The male Martian responded, "Pretty much the way you do."
A discussion ensued, and finally the couples decided to swap partners for the night.
Maureen and the male Martian went off to a bedroom where the Martian stripped. Maureen was disappointed to find that he had a teeny weeny member, about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick.
"I don't think this is going to work," said Maureen. "Why?" he asked. "What's the matter?"
"Well," she replied, "it's just not long enough to reach me!"
"No problem," he said, and proceeded to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap, his member grew until it was impressively long.
"Well," she said, "that's quite impressive, but it's still pretty narrow."
"No problem," he said, and started pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grew wider and wider.
"Wow!" she exclaimed. They fell into bed and made mad, passionate love.
The next day, the couples joined their normal partners and went their separate ways.
As they walked along, Mike asked, "Well, was it any good?"
"I hate to say it," said Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful. How about you?"
"It was horrible," he replied. "All I got was a headache. She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."
#7
02-16-2008, 10:35 AM
RE: Martian Sex
NO IT WASN'T, DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Three men had a very late night drinking Guiness.
They left in the early morning hours and each went to their home. The next day, they all met for an early pint, and compared notes about who was drunker the night before.
The first guy claims that he was the drunkest, saying, "I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks."
The second guy said, "You think that was drunk? Hell, I got into my car and wrapped it around the first tree I saw. And I don't even have insurance!"
The third guy proclaimed, "Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home, I got into a big fight with my wife, knocked a candle over, and burned the whole house down!"
The room was silent for a moment.
Then, the first guy spoke out again, "Listen, guys, I don't think you understand...
Chunks is my dog."
Three men had a very late night drinking Guiness.
They left in the early morning hours and each went to their home. The next day, they all met for an early pint, and compared notes about who was drunker the night before.
The first guy claims that he was the drunkest, saying, "I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks."
The second guy said, "You think that was drunk? Hell, I got into my car and wrapped it around the first tree I saw. And I don't even have insurance!"
The third guy proclaimed, "Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home, I got into a big fight with my wife, knocked a candle over, and burned the whole house down!"
The room was silent for a moment.
Then, the first guy spoke out again, "Listen, guys, I don't think you understand...
Chunks is my dog."
