answers to everything
#1
10-28-2007, 07:52 AM
answers to everything
What's the best form of birth control after 50?
Nudity.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 lbs.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes.
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
How do you know when you're really ugly?
Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
How do you know when you're leading a pathetic life?
When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."
Why did God create alcohol?
So ugly people could have sex, too.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time." A Southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this crap."
Nudity.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 lbs.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes.
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
How do you know when you're really ugly?
Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
How do you know when you're leading a pathetic life?
When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."
Why did God create alcohol?
So ugly people could have sex, too.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time." A Southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this crap."
#4
10-28-2007, 02:09 PM
RE: answers to everything
The Power of Beer
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and
informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The
son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well
as he can, with love and compassion.
After 18 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad
takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders
upthe biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons
looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief,
the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.
Swoooosh! Plop!! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts
into whoops of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again.
The patrons chant "Take another drink!"
The bartender continues to shake his head in dismay. Swoooosh! Plip!
Plop!! Two arms pop out!!
The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink
again. The patrons chant, "Take another drink! Take another drink!!"
Thebartender ignores the whole affair and goes back to polishing glasses,
shaking his head, clearly unimpressed by the amazing scenes.
By now the boy is getting tipsy, but with his new hands he reaches down,
grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Plop! Plip!! Two legs popout. The bar is in chaos.
The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up
on his new legs and stumbles to the left then staggers to the right
through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him
and kills him instantly The bar falls silent.
The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"He should've quit while he was a head!"
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and
informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The
son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well
as he can, with love and compassion.
After 18 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad
takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders
upthe biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons
looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief,
the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.
Swoooosh! Plop!! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts
into whoops of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again.
The patrons chant "Take another drink!"
The bartender continues to shake his head in dismay. Swoooosh! Plip!
Plop!! Two arms pop out!!
The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink
again. The patrons chant, "Take another drink! Take another drink!!"
Thebartender ignores the whole affair and goes back to polishing glasses,
shaking his head, clearly unimpressed by the amazing scenes.
By now the boy is getting tipsy, but with his new hands he reaches down,
grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Plop! Plip!! Two legs popout. The bar is in chaos.
The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up
on his new legs and stumbles to the left then staggers to the right
through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him
and kills him instantly The bar falls silent.
The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"He should've quit while he was a head!"
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